Moving blogs

I’m doing some changes to my blogging.  I’m considering giving up the paid website I do for my girls and having a blog for them instead.

http://preciousbabyangels.wordpress.com/

I wanted to keep the names the same as there are people who google me…  I’m keeping both running for a bit, until I figure out what I’m doing…

I also am going to start a ‘normal’ blog, you know about life in general, not just about baby loss, death and infertility.  I think I feel that its time to move on and not concentrate so much on what we’ve lost, more what we’ve got, if you know what I mean.

I still want to keep something going in memory of our girls and for people who ‘need’ to read their story.  I still get emails every month from people thanking me for telling our story.

Anyway I’ll post the new blog when I start it and will see you over at the other blog or on your own when I visit

Hugs and love

Too long between posts :)

I’ve been trying to catch up on you all, so so happy for B who is pg, I’m praying for you everynight.

I am in semi contact with my half brother, been very interesting and weird *blinks/rolls eyes*

Nothing much else to report.  My friend L is still struggling with being an alcoholic, well I guess she always will…

I might be going back to work in July, am currently in negotiations with my work now *boo hoo*

Check out this site, its really cool.  I’ve actually been doing it for my friends lately, copying, pasting and editing it then printing it out on nice paper and giving it to them on their birthdays…

 My littlest man turned one last week, I’ll pop a pic in ‘my boys’ section…

 Hugs to all

A long lost brother??

Well its too long a story to go into right now or in one update, but I have some siblings floating around this country or for that matter maybe around the world that I don’t know…

 My father to be matter of fact, could ‘keep it in his pants’.  He died when I was 7, I don’t really remember him therefore don’t really have any attachement to him.

 As far as I’m aware he was married long before meeting my mother and had a daughter I’ll call Do.  They divorced and he met my mother.  They were together for some time, like 12 years off and on.  My mum doesn’t talk about it much but I saw pictures of him with my mum at her 21st, and he died when my mum was 33 so that how I work that out.

I’ve been told by others that my mother fell pg unexpectedly and he offered to marry her.  Being the stubborn, cut off your nose to spite your face kind of person she still is she refused.  Admirably if not stupidly she didn’t want people to think she had gotten pg on purpose…  ???

 Then as you do, he supposedly got the shites with that and found comfort in the arms of another woman.  When my mother still refused to marry him he said he’d marry the other woman, which it seems he did…

 I discovered by chance some years ago that he had 4 or 5 children with this other woman, but still continued to see my mother.  I don’t judge my mother at all for her choices, I think that she was brave to go it alone in the early 70’s when single mothers were probably expected to give there children up for adoption, which apparently my grandmother had wanted.

Anyway I’ve always toyed with the idea of trying to find some of these siblings.  I was mucking around with facebook last night when I thought I search my fathers very unusual surname (lucky for me).  I found someone who it 3 years younger than I am and sent him a message asking if he was related to ——  ‘gave him my fathers details’.

He has responded this morning with YES, he is my father!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Holy heck!!!!!!!!!!!!!  In this day of technology is it truly that easy to locate someone?

I’ve sent some more information to see what he has to say.  I’m not rushing into anything, he could be an axe murderer for all I know.  But I’m definately interested to learn more so will keep you posted…

Another one with blogging block…

Well maybe not blogging block, but do you know the feeling when you almost have too much on your mind and don’t know where to start??  Thats how I’ve been feeling this past two weeks.  I think of all the things I’d like to say but feel overwhelmed at the thought of putting it all down in writing.  Wouldn’t it be good if you could just think it then download it from your brain

Something that has been taking up a lot of space in my brain lately is my fear of something happening to one of our living children.  Sometimes is consumes me to the point of an all gripping fear.  Is this because we know the pain of the loss of a child?  My heart seems to be able to slip into that painful place too easily when I think of our girls or our boys.

We certainly don’t wrap our children in cotton wool, I don’t believe in over protecting them as I don’t feel it is good for their personal growth, but the thoughts that go around in my head, pound around in my brain till it feels like it could burst…

Something else that occured this past week is that I finally showed ME the photos of his sisters.  I’ve always wanted to show them to him one day and the time felt right the other day.  He was asking about them as he does sometimes and I asked him if he’d like to see pictures.

Of course I was worried about his reaction for nothing, he took it just as children usually do in his stride, asked a few questions then moved on to his next acitivity.   Come to think of it I must tell DH I showed him, don’t think I’ve done that yet…

A bit down…

I’ve been a bit slack, not writing.  Still battling with JP’s catnapping, although its not every day now.  Some days he actually has really good sleeps

When I put ME to bed tonight we said our prayers and then  he told me how much he loved me.  My heart could have popped out of my chest.  He then asked me where my Daddy is??  I explained that my Daddy died when I was a little girl, only two years older than ME is now.  I so hope that my children never have to grow up without one their parents.  As a child who did, I so don’t want that for my family.  It breaks my heart to even think about it, so I won’t…

JP is either getting a cold or teething at the moment.  Or actually maybe both.  He’s been whingy all day.  Had a runny nose and seems to be in discomfort with his mouth.  He has been shoving his fists down there all day…

Turning over a new leaf…

So today is the day I turn my life around.  This last 5 years of babies, death and infertility have led to an unmotivated, overweight, unorganised person.  I don’t like it one bit. 

I was very motivated when we were TTC, I spent hours researching, contacting people for opinions and reading up on the latest treatments.  Now I need to refocus that motivation into getting my life back on track.

I am ordering a book today called ‘The Secret’, click here if you’d like to read more.  You can also see it on Oprah.  A little tip, its pretty cheap on ebay    From what I’ve read and heard people say” its the secret to creating the life you truly want—losing weight, making money, finding love”.  So I will give it a try and let you know what I think.

My next step is to be healthier.  To kick start this I’m going to try The Tony Ferguson weightloss program.  Its a mixture of shakes, low carb (not no carb) and smaller portions.  I’ve read about the diet on the website and visited the forums and it seems very do able.  I can’t get there for a day or two so I’m going to get my body started by not having any breads, potatoes or other basic carbs.  I’ll drink two litres of water per day, and maybe have a protein shake that I have here till I can get to the pharmacy to buy the TF stuff.  I’d like to lose 20 kilos, but will just start off with trying for 10kg’s…

I might try and pop on here each day to say what I will do ‘today’, and what will be good about losing weight, maybe this will help me keep myself focused.

My other major goal right now is to help little JP get into a bit of a day sleep routine.  He is all over the place in the day time.  He will sleep 4 or 5 hours straight one day, then sleep 45 mins x 4 the next.  I have been reading up on some routines tips etc on Save our Sleep .  Like anything I don’t like all Tizzie Hall’s ideas but there are some really good tips.  Like starting the day at the same time everyday no matter what time the last feed was, making baby stay awake for two hours so that he’s ready for a sleep not just a nap (this avoids cat napping).  Apparently when babies first show tired signs they are ready for a nap not a sleep.  Anyway we will see how we go setting a bit of a routine.

Needing to pick up DS1 from school means I can’t follow her exact routine for his age, but after reading some more of her info I think I can probably adjust it a bit for us.

 Anyway thats if for now, hopefully tomorrow I won’t be here saying what a dismal failure everything has been

Hello world!

Well here I am in the ‘blogging’ world   I have had a website for some time in memory of my twin daughters ~Paige and Amy~ .  I have decided though to convert the website into a blog. 

So please bare with me as I get this blog up and running and learn all the in’s and out’s of blogging with word press.