Actually it was even a Monday like today. I held both in my arms for the first and last time. I felt your hearts beating and watched your chests rise and fall until they became still. I counted all of your fingers and toes and studied every part of your beautiful bodies…
I can’t believe my arms have not held you both for five years.
I don’t feel either of you around me like I’ve read others say they do. I don’t know why I don’t, shouldn’t I feel something.
A psychic kind of person once told me this was because you would both be coming back to me in the forms of other children?? I don’t know if this it true, but I hope it is…
What do you both look like now? Are you pretty little dark haired girls, your brothers are dark so I’m assuming you both would be too…
At around 2pm this afternoon I was trying to remember what exactly I was doing at that time 5 years ago. I can’t remember. You were born at 6 and 6.03pm on that Monday evening and we found out at around 9am that same morning that things weren’t looking good. I can’t remember what we did for that whole day. Its like that day is missing. That must have been one of the longest days of our lives and I can’t recall how we passed the time. I do remember we settled on names and prayed and hoped for a miracle, but really for 9 hours of that day things seemed to have been on hold.
I pray my sweet angels, that you know that we love you. I hope you can feel the love and longing I have for you both. Can you hear my thoughts when I see other 5 year old girls playing with your brother and wish that he had his own two sisters to play with?
I love you both as much today as I did 5 years ago, maybe more. When I hold your little brother in my arms, I try to imagine sometimes that it is one of you and that for that moment in time all of this was a bad dream.
Sleep tight my precious girls, Mummy loves you very much xo
