Another couple who we are friends with having been having trouble in their marriage for some months. My DH is quite close with the other DH. The other DH will call him S, and my DH as they work together and have only spoken a little about what is going on. Niether of us has spoken to the DW who I will call D. From what S has said though we were getting the impression that he was trying to fix things, but D was making it difficult. We have been feeling really sorry for S.
Tonight my DH and S had to go out for dinner with a customer. Around 1/2 hour after my DH left D phoned me to ask if my DH had gone out to dinner?? I said yes and she started to cry.
She asked if I knew that they had split and I said kind of. I asked her if she was ok and she started to cry again.
Well didn’t she drop a bomb on me!! S had been having an affair for more than 2 years!! With a woman that he has working for them and he has also cheated on his mistress.
D is devestated to say the least. She told me so many things that I am more than a bit disgusted in S and his treatment of her. My dilema now though is that she doesn’t want me to tell my DH!!
She’s worried about it getting back to S that she phoned me. But I have found out a lot tonight about S and I think my DH has a right to know. There are possibly many business implications with some of what she has told me and I feel my DH needs to know some things.
My other concern is, I think my DH is going to be shattered. My DH is a very straight forward, typical aussie guy who thinks most men are geniune and trustworthy. He will be floored when I tell him whats been going on right under his nose. He’ll be horrified to know that S is involved with this person and actually wants to leave his family for her. He may also be worried about the business and if any thing funny is going on there.
Problem is my DH cannot let S know that he knows. Oh this is so messy. My head is doing flip flops and I have no idea how I can break this to my DH. I think I might wait at least till the weekend so that he has time to digest everything and think is all out before he has to go to work.
Boy I sure don’t know how I’m going to get any sleep tonight with all this crazyness going on in my head.
December 7, 2007 at 1:33 am
The thing is, married couples (especially those who are devoted to each other) confide in each other. Surely ‘D’ knows this. Maybe she truly doesn’t want you to fill your husband in after she confided in you, but realistically, she has asked you to do something that is nearly impossible. The fact that it involves your husband in a roundabout business way makes it even more difficult. She has asked you to be a confidante, but your confidante is likely your husband when situations like this typically arise, so it’s a tough place to be in. Couples share their lives together, often secrets too. I know I would struggle like hell to keep something like this from my husband. You’re in a tough spot…I feel for you.
The other thing is, close friends also confide in each other. Your husband, if you tell him, will probably struggle like hell to keep it from ‘S’, especially if he is angry at S. People can keep secrets from the world, but they almost always entrust secrets to another person with whom they’re close…or at least, that’s been my general finding in life. In a more neutral situation, you would probably confide the secret you’ve been ‘entrusted’ with to your husband, and he might even confide it to one of his friends, but there wouldn’t be any harm done. In this situation, however, you’re being asked to betray someone’s trust in this foursome no matter how you cut it.
It never hurts to just take some time to think something like this out thoroughly. Take as long as you need, even if it’s a few days, and be sure you are comfortable with your decision. Best of luck….
Rhea
December 9, 2007 at 7:28 am
Just because there are secrets in their family doesnt mean you should carry them to yours. Your first obligations is to your dh. Not ‘D’, or ‘S’. Your dh will be so upset if he finds out later that you knew.
Hugs
xxx