Could we have saved Paige and Amy?

With what is going on with the friends Karla and Sarah right now it brings to the front of my thoughts all the what ifs with our girls.

As much as I love my OB, I still feel he should have tried somethings to save our babies.  Why didn’t he try?  Was it because of lack of experience with TTTS?, Did he think there was no chance?

Why did I stick my head in the sand and not research TTTS when I could have, so that I would have known what I know now.  Then I would have told them I wanted them to do an amnioreduction, attempt to do another rescue cerclage…  Why couldn’t they have arranged for me to be scanned on the Saturday instead of waiting till the Monday morning?  Couldn’t I have been sent to the hospital Karla is attending (we live in the same city) where there are TTTS specialists??

Maybe you can see now what I meant when I said I’ve had all this stuff going around in my head…

I know I’ll never know the answers to these questions and I guess if I’m to beleive that everything turns out how it is supposed to then it makes no difference, but I can’t help to want to turn the clock back somehow and just try…

Another one with blogging block…

Well maybe not blogging block, but do you know the feeling when you almost have too much on your mind and don’t know where to start??  Thats how I’ve been feeling this past two weeks.  I think of all the things I’d like to say but feel overwhelmed at the thought of putting it all down in writing.  Wouldn’t it be good if you could just think it then download it from your brain

Something that has been taking up a lot of space in my brain lately is my fear of something happening to one of our living children.  Sometimes is consumes me to the point of an all gripping fear.  Is this because we know the pain of the loss of a child?  My heart seems to be able to slip into that painful place too easily when I think of our girls or our boys.

We certainly don’t wrap our children in cotton wool, I don’t believe in over protecting them as I don’t feel it is good for their personal growth, but the thoughts that go around in my head, pound around in my brain till it feels like it could burst…

Something else that occured this past week is that I finally showed ME the photos of his sisters.  I’ve always wanted to show them to him one day and the time felt right the other day.  He was asking about them as he does sometimes and I asked him if he’d like to see pictures.

Of course I was worried about his reaction for nothing, he took it just as children usually do in his stride, asked a few questions then moved on to his next acitivity.   Come to think of it I must tell DH I showed him, don’t think I’ve done that yet…

Prayers for Karla and Sarah…

Two of my e friends are struggling right now with their pregnancies.  Karla is pregnant with identical twin boys who have been diagnosed with TTTS (the same potentially fatal condition our twin daughters had).

Sarah ironically has been diagnosed with an incompetent cervix and has just reached 24 weeks gestation yesterday.  She is in hospital on strict bedrest.

It amazes me that these ladies together are going through what we did, only for us it was both conditions for the same pregnancy.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both and I’m praying for you little ones to be born safe and healthy…