I have been suprised that the grief for our girls and the pain of infertility doesn’t go away when you have a subsequent child.
Our girls are constantly on my mind at the moment and its really starting to get me down ‘again’… Its not that I don’t want to think of them, but I don’t want to feel I don’t know ’sad’, ‘longing’ and emptiness that can’t be filled not matter how many babies we have.
I feel so guilty that I can’t JUST be happy with what I have. I know so many people who would love to be in my shoes with two gorgeous boys. I am eternally thankful and grateful for what I have, but that doesn’t take away what we lost. What I lost!! And yes I know thats sounds mighty selfish of me, but its different for my husband and I. He is content with what we have. I think he feels like its all over now, we have our family and thats it. Jp came out safe, I survived the pregnancy and birth now we get on with the rest of our lives.
But not for me. I lost my daughters, my twins, my dreams. Yes I do have new dreams for our family and our sons. Still though deep in side of me, well not so deep at the moment, it seems to be all quite close to the surface I have this ache, a lump forever in my throat for what we so nearly had.
